I've been watching top chef, Gordon Ramsey lambaste (nice word choice eh?) failing chefs and restaurateurs in the UK TV show Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares for quite a while now. The appeal of the show is something between watching a train wreck mixed with The Office. Mostly, a painful show of blunt honesty and criticism, but with a pinch of heart felt joy, generous portions of humour, a few tablespoons of oh-my-god-can-you-believe-that and all that vigorously mixed with a genuine passion for food.The results of his efforts in the show are mostly positive, but on occasion his victims just can't take the heat and abandon their kitchens. Would you be able to take a good dose of harsh criticism ? And I'm not talking just about your efforts in the kitchen, but in all aspects of your life. Come on, Mr.fancy pants, PJMixer, you can do better than that you lazy bastard !
I think I could take it. I'm not very confident in saying that the loved ones around me could take it though. For example, as my son gets older and his attitudes appear to be a little ahead of the other aspects of his adolescent maturity, I'm trying to balance the tough love with the right amount of empathy for a 21st century Dad.
I think it comes down to knowing the right time to apply tough love to the situation. In the TV show, Ramsey steps in when things are at their most dire and the business is about to fail. And most of all, he is allowed to let loose when he has been invited to do so. It is just a little harder to make that call with respect to your own life and the lives of the loved ones around you. And rarely do people really want to get a full strength dose of what, may be in fact, be something that's good for them !
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The nicer side of Mr. Ramsey.)
4 comments:
Oooh ... a good lesson for all of us with prepubescent adolescent children! It is about finding the right balance - knowing when to push, and knowing when to pull away. I know many of us who are good at dishing out criticism, whether harsh or constructive, but how many of us can truly take it? I think often times it depends on the source. Someone in my corner, or someone wanting to put me in a corner?
My wife referes to this as the "Happy sandwich"... surround the criticism with good commets... and BAM.. happy sandwich!
Criticism of any flavor must be constructive in order to be valid. I am of the camp that brutal honesty is the way to go. During my master's degree I witnessed my mentor on many occasion bursting one's bubble... it was painful and hard to hear or watch, but you knew for sure you had done well when a compliment came your way. Being too PC only neutralizes the effects of both positive and negative feedback.
OF course that is easy with students and colleagues who remain at a distance, but the ones you love, that's a totally different story.
My only comment on this is to leave the 'apparent' lessons learned from the TV show out of your consideration. The shows are designed to specifically overhype any situation (big big highs, big big lows) in order to be entertaining.
I like what both Carolyn and Rich said about criticism and how to apply it - you want the best learninig envionment for your children, without over optimism or depression caused by big highs or big lows. I guess a "Happy Sandwich" helps a body grow 8)
Eco
Thanks for the helpful comments and kind reminders everyone.
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